Saudade

Saudade
sau·da·de
souˈdädə/
noun
  1. a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia that is supposedly characteristic of the Portuguese or Brazilian temperament.

One thing that I miss the most in these days is to call to my grandma and talk to her. No, she is still alive but in no condition to talk as we used to. I think if she could choose live like that or be star stuff, I have no doubts that she would be star stuff, but this is another complex subject…

I used to call her almost everyday, you know, for chit chat. Sometimes I wanted to tell her something that have happened to me, or something funny that I knew she would laugh a lot or sometimes I was feeling sad and just talking to her would lift my mood instantly.

Frequently now I have this urge to get the phone and call her and have just some chit chat, hear her voice, hear her laughing and tell her how much I miss her and how much difference she made in my life. But you know, sometimes our brains are douche-bags, I just feel that “I’ll call Grandma” and one second after I remember that I can’t do it anymore.